


Talk Some Sense To Me

by erisgregory



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Discussion of PTSD, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 16:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisgregory/pseuds/erisgregory
Summary: From a tumblr prompt: Alex, "I'm not okay! Okay?! Not really! Goddammit! I'm sick of the nightmares and the guilt and the jumpiness all the time. And yeah, Caulfield's explosion has set me back far more than I care to admit. Just like that, for a split second, I was back in Baghdad. You happy? I'm a mess."Michael goes to check on Alex and finds things are very not okay.





	Talk Some Sense To Me

Michael didn’t know why he thought he was the right guy to help. He didn’t even expect this to go well at all and if he didn’t expect it to go well then he really had no business trying in the first place. Yet here he was outside Alex’s cabin. The thing was, no one had seen or heard from Alex in the last couple of weeks. At first Michael thought it might be his fault what with the Maria thing that had turned out not to be a thing, but then Liz said something last night, that she had called Alex and he’d blown her off. Wasn’t sleeping, too tired to come out. Liz said that had been his excuse the last three times she’d spoken to him. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about it. All the way home he kept thinking he should turn his truck around and go check on Alex. So finally after a shower when the feeling still wouldn’t go away, Michael decided he’d have to head over and see Alex for himself, to see if he was okay.

Alex doesn’t even let him knock, but has the door open almost as soon as he cuts his truck’s engine.

“What do you want, Guerin?” Alex asks. He does look tired, but mostly just angry that Michael is there. Also they are back to Guerin, Michael guesses he deserves that.

He walks around the truck and up to the cabin’s porch, and stops on the bottom step. “I came to check on you.” Saying it out loud makes it sound ridiculous, even more so than saying it in his head. “I wanted to see if you were okay, after everything. Liz said you weren’t coming out and I guess I was worried.”

“I’m not okay.” Alex says plainly, but doesn’t elaborate.

“Then can we talk?” Michael asks.

“I don’t see what for.” Alex leans on the door frame.

“Because I’m worried. Everyone is worried.” Michael says.

"I'm not okay! Okay?! Not really! Goddammit! I'm sick of the nightmares and the guilt and the jumpiness all the time. And yeah, Caulfield's explosion has set me back far more than I care to admit. Just like that, for a split second, I was back in Baghdad. You happy? I'm a mess." Alex exclaims. He’s got a lot of anger and hurt pent up and Michael says the first thing that comes to mind.

“Then let me help you!” Michael knows immediately that it was the wrong thing to say because Alex’s face shutters closed.

“How are you going to do that?” Alex wants to know.

“I don’t know, we could talk or I could just listen or maybe--”

“Maybe what?” 

“Maybe just let me in so we can talk about your options?” Michael makes it a question.

Alex looks angry at the suggestion but moves aside all the same so Michael climbs the steps and heads inside. He takes a seat on the chair and Alex takes the sofa. Nobody says anything at first, but Alex is the one to break the silence.

“What did you mean out there by options exactly? I don’t think a shrink can help. It’s not like I can tell her about Project Shepherd and alien conspiracies.” Alex runs a hand through his already messy hair. He looks worn out and Michael wants nothing more than for him to have a good night’s sleep, he just doesn’t know how to give it to him.

“Maybe not,” Michael counters, “But that’s not the only stuff you’re dealing with, is it?” Michael asks.

Alex sighs and he sounds like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. “No.”

“Then maybe talking to someone isn’t such a bad idea. And what about medicine, maybe just to help you sleep?” He asks.

“I don’t understand why you care. I thought we were done? I’m not really yours to worry about.” Alex points out.

“Maybe not,” Michael concedes, “But I do still care and I do still worry.”

“I wish you had worried about me that day you left me waiting for you.” Alex says plainly.

“I wish I had to, Alex. Trust me, I do. I made a mistake.” Michael bites his lip, saying it was a mistake is putting it lightly and he doesn’t feel lightly about it.

“So what? I’m just supposed to trust you now?” Alex is angry and he has every right to be.

“All I can say is that I made a mistake and I’m sorry. You know Maria and I aren’t together, we both agreed it was a bad idea all things considered.” Michael tries to explain.

“I do know that, because Maria came and told me. She had enough respect for me to do that, but where were you? Nowhere. For weeks.” Alex accuses.

Michael feels the shame of that mistake rising to his cheeks, flushing his face. It’s an awful feeling. “I know I messed up. I should have come to you right away but I was scared. That’s why I didn’t come back that day. That’s why I’ve stayed away all this time.”

“What are you scared of?” Alex asks.

“Of you! Of us! Of trying for a future together! I’m so scared that I’ll mess it up!” Michael knows he shouldn’t be raising his voice. This wasn’t what he came here to do.

“So what? You just mess it up before we have a chance to try? How does that make any sense?” Alex throws his hands up in frustration and Michael does the only thing he can think of.

He goes to his knees, moves until he’s between Alex’s legs, one hand on either thigh. “Listen. I know it was wrong. It was worse than wrong because it was stupid. I don’t really know what I was thinking, but let me apologize for it now. Please.”

Alex buries his hand in his face. “I don’t have the strength to fight you right now.”

“Then don’t. Just hear me out. I am sorry. I made a mistake and I hope we can move past it. Maybe we can even be friends.” Michael suggests.

“Is that all you want? To be friends.” Alex asks, lifting his head to look at Michael.

Michael thinks about it for a moment. He knows how he wants to answer, but he isn’t sure this is the right time. “No, it’s not, but I have no hope for anything more.” He goes for the truth. “I genuinely was worried about you. That’s all.”

“It’s not all I want either.” Alex says softly.

“It’s not?” Michael asks and that hope he’d been avoiding blooms in his chest like a new spring day. It warms him from the inside out. He didn’t come here for this but oh what if he really could have something with Alex?

Alex shakes his head. “No. If you could stop being stupid long enough, I’d like to try again. From the start, take things slow, see where it goes.”

“I’d like that, I really would. Do you think you could forgive me?” Michael asks, his heart on his sleeve.

“I can,” Alex says, “I was angry and I still am, but there’s no point punishing you for something I’ve been guilty of. I’ve been scared too. You know I was. I got past it and I think you can too.”

“I really didn’t come here for this, you know that, right?” Michael wants to be sure they’re really on the same page about everything.

“I know you didn’t.” Alex reaches a hand out and caresses his cheek. “So go ahead and make your spiel about the help I need and then kiss me before I change my mind.”

“You should at least see someone, I know they have therapists at the V.A. It doesn’t matter if you can’t talk about everything you can talk about a lot of it and they know how to help people with PTSD. They can help you more than your friends can. Will you see someone?” Michael says all of this in a rush and then waits, holding his breath.

“Okay. I’ll see someone. Now shut up and kiss me.” Alex demands.

Michael does just that. He shuts up and kisses Alex softly, deeply. He pours all of his frustrations and fear and worry and love and hop into that kiss until both of them are breathless and Michael’s knees hurt.

“Michael?” Alex breaks away for a breath.

“Yeah?”

“Take me to bed? I’m exhausted.” He says.

“Yes, sir.” Michael answers. And then he does.

Alex sleeps for twelve hours and then makes an appointment with the V.A. It’s a tentative start for them, but it’s better than nothing and Michael finds he isn’t as afraid as he was. They have a future and Alex is going to get help. All in all things are looking up.


End file.
